I DID IT !!! Today is the 90th day !!!

     I did it, I actually did it! I completed the 90 day challenge that my therapist/life coach gave me! I am so proud of myself and so thankful to her !!! To think that 90 days ago, I just didn't really care about anything and was trying to hurt myself almost every other day and now I'm actually happy. It's mind blowing. I never thought this was going to work. I just woke up one day and made the commitment because I couldn't live the way I was anymore. I wasn't living actually.....I was slowly dying. No one wanted to be around me, including myself. I was so miserable. I just did not know how to change it.
     For my whole life I had been told I was worthless and useless and trash. I was treated horrible whether it was verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse or sexual abuse. I soon learned that acting out in a dramatic fashion was the only way to get attention in the environment I was in. I also learned that there were two particular ways to act to get the attention I craved. One was to act like a child and the other was to be an over sexual woman......both had negative consequences for me.
     In my work over the last 90 days I have learned that I can gain attention in a respectful way from the right kind of people. People who care about me and value me. I love it. It feels good to go through the day and act like an appropriate adult. One thing that I have always known I was, was intelligent. I went to college and I love to learn. I try to also take what I learn and find a way to apply it to my life and I believe I have done that with this 90 day challenge.
     It was a commitment I made on day one but I have to admit that I was very skeptical at first. It took me two weeks of true commitment to see that this program was truly going to work for me. So much comes naturally to me now. My family enjoys being around me and I enjoy being around me! I have learned to deal with things that for months and years were eating at me. An example is the relationship between a friend and myself. I was very conflicted as to whether or not to continue the relationship. In the past I would have had a very hard time expressing my feelings but I had a phone conversation and said everything I felt. It was so freeing and exactly what I needed to do for my peace of mind. I find that I am better able to express myself a lot now. I can say things to my fiancé that I would have never been able to say three months ago. We have amazing conversations about absolutely everything !!!
     I don't know that I can even begin to explain this program appropriately or do it justice. If anything that I have said in any of my posts has struck something in you then I encourage you to check out my life coach's website. It's www.powercoacher.com and read through it all. She's pretty amazing at what she does that's for sure. I'm going to start a new 90 day challenge specific to a particular issue. I'm looking forward to this new challenge. I feel that I have worked hard and come a long way in 90 days but after all I have been through in 40 years, I just believe that my work is not over yet. I don't feel confident saying that I'm okay and that I'm done with therapy/coaching. I still have work to do and I still have much I want to share with you !!! More to come later. Peace and Love, Diane Marie