Good morning friends. So here it is Monday morning and I feel like two different people. That's always fun, right? One minute I am all smiles thinking about all the good stuff in my life and the great day and night I had yesterday as well as how amazing this 90 day challenge is going but the next minute I feel scared and unhappy about some of the things in my life. What's a girl to do? If only it was socially/professionally acceptable to have your therapist/life coach's home number on speed dial !!! She might however find herself wanting to run away some days....LOL. I guess maybe the way I'm feeling may just be normal.
My life isn't ideal right now. It certainly isn't what I envisioned when I started day one of my 90 day challenge. So much changed so fast and some things that were there took on new meaning in my life.
My life was so out of control before I took on this challenge. It was a two year train wreck really. I was drinking every day for a while. I could go through a 12 pack in a day sometimes. I would just watch the clock and wait for it to be time to pick up my kids so that I would be done driving and in for the rest of the day and then I could start drinking. I had so many blackouts it wasn't even funny. To make matters worse, I was mixing alcohol with pills which was a complete recipe for disaster. That led my ass to the hospital on more than one occasion. When that wasn't killing the pain quite enough, I started smoking pot in large quantities on top of the alcohol and pills. On those nights, I remember nothing. How I didn't kill myself is beyond me. I went on like that for over a year. I quit using on November 11, 2013 Eight months ago !!!! I am so proud of my sobriety. It's like putting on those new glasses for the first time and being able to see everything so clear, it's beautiful. My kids were over the moon when I stopped drinking and could remember everything they did and told me and actually be present to them on a daily basis.
Never say never but I don't think I will ever pick up a drink after what I went through and after what I put those that I love through. It's not worth it to me. I have to laugh. For Father's Day I got my fiancé these amazing tickets to the Indians game and we went together one night. Well, we walk in and we are looking for our section and I said to him, "This is a hell of a place for a recovering alcoholic to come!" He giggled and told me I was strong and he wasn't even worried. I didn't even think of having a drink, I was simply amused.
I can say now; 82 days into this challenge, that there is no way in hell I could have even attempted to do this had I not gotten sober. Even being sober I had a hard time embracing the challenge and I will explain why another time. I must rush off and take care of some things before I have to once again babysit my grandson. Peace and Love
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