I did it, I actually did it! I completed the 90 day challenge that my therapist/life coach gave me! I am so proud of myself and so thankful to her !!! To think that 90 days ago, I just didn't really care about anything and was trying to hurt myself almost every other day and now I'm actually happy. It's mind blowing. I never thought this was going to work. I just woke up one day and made the commitment because I couldn't live the way I was anymore. I wasn't living actually.....I was slowly dying. No one wanted to be around me, including myself. I was so miserable. I just did not know how to change it.
For my whole life I had been told I was worthless and useless and trash. I was treated horrible whether it was verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse or sexual abuse. I soon learned that acting out in a dramatic fashion was the only way to get attention in the environment I was in. I also learned that there were two particular ways to act to get the attention I craved. One was to act like a child and the other was to be an over sexual woman......both had negative consequences for me.
In my work over the last 90 days I have learned that I can gain attention in a respectful way from the right kind of people. People who care about me and value me. I love it. It feels good to go through the day and act like an appropriate adult. One thing that I have always known I was, was intelligent. I went to college and I love to learn. I try to also take what I learn and find a way to apply it to my life and I believe I have done that with this 90 day challenge.
It was a commitment I made on day one but I have to admit that I was very skeptical at first. It took me two weeks of true commitment to see that this program was truly going to work for me. So much comes naturally to me now. My family enjoys being around me and I enjoy being around me! I have learned to deal with things that for months and years were eating at me. An example is the relationship between a friend and myself. I was very conflicted as to whether or not to continue the relationship. In the past I would have had a very hard time expressing my feelings but I had a phone conversation and said everything I felt. It was so freeing and exactly what I needed to do for my peace of mind. I find that I am better able to express myself a lot now. I can say things to my fiancé that I would have never been able to say three months ago. We have amazing conversations about absolutely everything !!!
I don't know that I can even begin to explain this program appropriately or do it justice. If anything that I have said in any of my posts has struck something in you then I encourage you to check out my life coach's website. It's www.powercoacher.com and read through it all. She's pretty amazing at what she does that's for sure. I'm going to start a new 90 day challenge specific to a particular issue. I'm looking forward to this new challenge. I feel that I have worked hard and come a long way in 90 days but after all I have been through in 40 years, I just believe that my work is not over yet. I don't feel confident saying that I'm okay and that I'm done with therapy/coaching. I still have work to do and I still have much I want to share with you !!! More to come later. Peace and Love, Diane Marie
Foregiveness
So Important
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Saw Life Coach Yesterday, set me straight/ Great day today !
So, yesterday I had a session with my life coach. I walked in with a rather crappy frame of mind. I had had a melt down the night before and cried pretty hard in my fiancé's arms and acted rather "dramatic." I was feeling very overwhelmed with my day off ending and the knowledge I was to have a long day of babysitting the following day. I went on crying to my love about a million things and I got a little angry here and there and threw a few things. Basically I acted like I was five as well as only seeing things in black and white.
My coach helped me to see the error of my ways. She helped me realize that I had acted like a child and that there was a lot of grey to be seen in the situation that was so upsetting to me. During the session I was trying to see her point of view and I kind of did but I also just wanted her to let me be a mad cry baby........well, that's TOTALLY NOT her. I got over myself and realized she was right.....as usual!(ugh) I thought all the way home about what she had said and when my sweetheart got home we talked about it as well. I needed to think about, to have pointed out, and to see, that there are options for ways to handle what is going on in our life right now with my son. I also really needed to take a stand and make time for me!
I joined a gym! Best thing I could have ever done. I love getting away from the house and having that "me" time and I love working out. I feel great when I am done. It makes me so much more energetic! I'm hoping to really get in to shape and lose weight, especially to look great in my wedding dress! I get free tanning too with my membership and I enjoy that so I tanned today. I'm looking forward to going to the gym each and every morning! I need to do more things for myself. I love writing this blog and I love working out, that's a start.
My 90 day challenge is almost over and I feel both that I have learned so much and that I have so much to still learn. I haven't fully learned to control my temper. I'm still not skilled in seeing the grey. I feel sometimes like my toolbox is only half full and I get very afraid of going back to the way I was. I get scared of becoming suicidal again or losing my sobriety or if I just stop caring about everything. I think these are justifiable fears based on the last 40 years and the fact that I've only been okay for just shy of 90 days.
I suppose that I just continue to take it one day at a time, try my best each day, continue to see my coach and continue looking for the grey, the solutions, the opportunities! Peace and Love
My coach helped me to see the error of my ways. She helped me realize that I had acted like a child and that there was a lot of grey to be seen in the situation that was so upsetting to me. During the session I was trying to see her point of view and I kind of did but I also just wanted her to let me be a mad cry baby........well, that's TOTALLY NOT her. I got over myself and realized she was right.....as usual!(ugh) I thought all the way home about what she had said and when my sweetheart got home we talked about it as well. I needed to think about, to have pointed out, and to see, that there are options for ways to handle what is going on in our life right now with my son. I also really needed to take a stand and make time for me!
I joined a gym! Best thing I could have ever done. I love getting away from the house and having that "me" time and I love working out. I feel great when I am done. It makes me so much more energetic! I'm hoping to really get in to shape and lose weight, especially to look great in my wedding dress! I get free tanning too with my membership and I enjoy that so I tanned today. I'm looking forward to going to the gym each and every morning! I need to do more things for myself. I love writing this blog and I love working out, that's a start.
My 90 day challenge is almost over and I feel both that I have learned so much and that I have so much to still learn. I haven't fully learned to control my temper. I'm still not skilled in seeing the grey. I feel sometimes like my toolbox is only half full and I get very afraid of going back to the way I was. I get scared of becoming suicidal again or losing my sobriety or if I just stop caring about everything. I think these are justifiable fears based on the last 40 years and the fact that I've only been okay for just shy of 90 days.
I suppose that I just continue to take it one day at a time, try my best each day, continue to see my coach and continue looking for the grey, the solutions, the opportunities! Peace and Love
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Choices
I've come to learn through the help of my life coach that life really is all about choices. I never really knew that before because I wasn't raised in an environment where I had any. I thought I had to do what I was told for fear of the consequences and therefore I just grew up with that thought process. She taught me that that wasn't true and that as an adult I could make any choice I wanted and get all sorts of outcomes. One of her famous sayings to me has been "If you do the same, you get the same" and isn't that the truth? I have been getting the same for 40 years because I was so afraid to do different, afraid to make different choices. I was keeping myself stuck in a dark and miserable place that no one wanted to be in with me. It was a very lonely place and after awhile; I myself, just wanted to escape it anyway I could.
Now here I am and I can't imagine being anywhere else; well, except maybe on the beach with my fiancé !!!! It's nice knowing that I have choices and I feel so grown up when I make them! I've been stuck at seven years old for so long that this being a mature adult thing is really knew to me and I'm still getting used to it but boy do I like it! It's pretty fun sometimes !!! Especially when I'm with my fiancé !!! I'm simply blown away with what I have learned in 85 days. Seems like a lifetime but it has gone so fast and I feel like there is so much more I want to work on and learn and know and talk about. I wish this was a 180 day challenge!
Well; friends, todays post is going to be really short. I had a long doctor's appointment and it's already 3:30. I have to take my youngest to a therapy session (explain later) and with it being my day off, I have much I still need to accomplish. More tomorrow! Peace and Love
Now here I am and I can't imagine being anywhere else; well, except maybe on the beach with my fiancé !!!! It's nice knowing that I have choices and I feel so grown up when I make them! I've been stuck at seven years old for so long that this being a mature adult thing is really knew to me and I'm still getting used to it but boy do I like it! It's pretty fun sometimes !!! Especially when I'm with my fiancé !!! I'm simply blown away with what I have learned in 85 days. Seems like a lifetime but it has gone so fast and I feel like there is so much more I want to work on and learn and know and talk about. I wish this was a 180 day challenge!
Well; friends, todays post is going to be really short. I had a long doctor's appointment and it's already 3:30. I have to take my youngest to a therapy session (explain later) and with it being my day off, I have much I still need to accomplish. More tomorrow! Peace and Love
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Seeing my Life Coach today
So, I slept in a bit. Yesterday was a busy day. I have my coffee in hand and I'm at my desk, looking out the window ready to start this day......or am I? I'm seeing my life coach today and that both excites me and makes me nervous. I have about three or so hours before I go but I also get weird before I do. I guess it's because I always have so much I want to tell her and so many questions I want to ask and the damn time just goes by so fast. I tease her constantly about turning the clocks so she can't see them or that I need a whole day with her or a session every day for a week. She thinks I joke but most of the time I'm dead serious. There is so much swirling around in my head that I want to tell her and I always run out of time or I don't know exactly how to get it out in to words until it's too late.
I can't believe I'm on day 84 of this 90 day challenge. It is so exciting. It's also very scary!!! What comes next? For the last 84 days I have been challenged to go so far beyond my comfort zone and force my self to do things that I didn't even believe in the beginning. One of the things I had to do was wake up every day and say to myself one thing that I was grateful for. In the beginning, I still wasn't even sure I wanted to be alive so I wasn't grateful for anything really but I committed myself to this challenge so I forced myself to find even the simplest thing. Now I can find 50 things I'm grateful for each morning !!!!
It was very hard for me to commit to this challenge for a few different reasons. One was that I did not think it was going to work. I thought she was nuts! Another reason was that subconsciously I was worried that it would work and that if I was no longer the victim, no one would care about me or pay attention to me anymore. I ended up committing to the challenge for two reasons. One was that I knew I couldn't keep living the way I was because I was killing myself and was literally going to end up dead if I didn't stop and the other was despite my life coach because in my mind I thought she didn't believe I could do it !!! Whatever the reasons, I'm so glad I did because 84 days later I'm not the same person at all. I have a long way to go though. I still feel very fragile and I'm afraid sometimes that the big stuff could break me and what happened with my son almost did. I really had to rely on my fiancé and life coach to help me through. It still scares me because of the stress it continues to cause but I know they are there to support me through it.
I have a bad habit of closing off and shutting everyone out when I am upset. I usually end up making a bad situation much worse by doing that. It's something I learned to do as a child. My way of "hiding", I suppose. I did it not to long ago. I even stayed off twitter for like a week which is like a miracle. I just sometimes don't know how to handle a feeling or situation and I feel guilty for not knowing or being good enough at this challenge and I shut down. I guess I forget that I'm not perfect and I don't have it all figured out yet.
Well, need to rush off. Shower, laundry, dishes, etc.... it all calls. Peace and Love
I can't believe I'm on day 84 of this 90 day challenge. It is so exciting. It's also very scary!!! What comes next? For the last 84 days I have been challenged to go so far beyond my comfort zone and force my self to do things that I didn't even believe in the beginning. One of the things I had to do was wake up every day and say to myself one thing that I was grateful for. In the beginning, I still wasn't even sure I wanted to be alive so I wasn't grateful for anything really but I committed myself to this challenge so I forced myself to find even the simplest thing. Now I can find 50 things I'm grateful for each morning !!!!
It was very hard for me to commit to this challenge for a few different reasons. One was that I did not think it was going to work. I thought she was nuts! Another reason was that subconsciously I was worried that it would work and that if I was no longer the victim, no one would care about me or pay attention to me anymore. I ended up committing to the challenge for two reasons. One was that I knew I couldn't keep living the way I was because I was killing myself and was literally going to end up dead if I didn't stop and the other was despite my life coach because in my mind I thought she didn't believe I could do it !!! Whatever the reasons, I'm so glad I did because 84 days later I'm not the same person at all. I have a long way to go though. I still feel very fragile and I'm afraid sometimes that the big stuff could break me and what happened with my son almost did. I really had to rely on my fiancé and life coach to help me through. It still scares me because of the stress it continues to cause but I know they are there to support me through it.
I have a bad habit of closing off and shutting everyone out when I am upset. I usually end up making a bad situation much worse by doing that. It's something I learned to do as a child. My way of "hiding", I suppose. I did it not to long ago. I even stayed off twitter for like a week which is like a miracle. I just sometimes don't know how to handle a feeling or situation and I feel guilty for not knowing or being good enough at this challenge and I shut down. I guess I forget that I'm not perfect and I don't have it all figured out yet.
Well, need to rush off. Shower, laundry, dishes, etc.... it all calls. Peace and Love
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Feeling Unbalanced this Morning
I have been sitting here at my desk, looking out the window, drinking my coffee, playing on twitter and trying to decide what I wanted to write about today and I just haven't been able to come up with one concrete thought. As I sit here, I realize that I have more than one thought swirling around my head and more than one feeling swirling around my insides.
Yesterday turned into a bit of a crazy day. It started out pretty good. I got quite a bit accomplished and my three kids; who still live at home, were helping me, but then they all left for activities and my grandson got here and it just got hectic. We had my daughter's softball game last night and he couldn't decide whether to enjoy being outside or if he wanted to be grumpy and then after the game all hell kind of broke loose. My daughter in law wasn't feeling well at all and I had to go pick her up from work, we were trying to get the baby bathed and ready for bed and her dumb friends just show up and don't get the picture that family is there and they should leave. Young people are not always real smart. Anyways, it just frustrated my fiancé and I but we left and figured she is an adult and we can't always tell her what to do. We have to let her make her own decisions and mistakes just like the rest of our kids. It sucks but we get tired of repeating ourselves or frustrating ourselves.
So, todays a new day but I just feel all kinds of "eh." As my life coach taught me, I am trying to direct my thoughts to positive things. I'm getting a gym membership and I am so excited about it, so that makes me happy. I can get into better shape for my age and lose a little more weight before I pick out my wedding dress!!! I want to be a sexy bride!!! When I was drinking and doing drugs I had gained tons of weight. I think I was up to around 178 or so and I'm only five foot four and a half. I finally lost all that and got back to 135. I'd like to lose just a little more for my dress! I can't wait to start working out at the gym and having that "me" time !!!
Now that three of my children are adults and living outside the home and two are in high school, that leaves me with Abby my ten year old. She will be heading back to school in the fall however and I will be alone all day. It's time for me to figure out who I am now. For the last 26 years, I have defined myself as a mother and really nothing else. Even when I was working, it was always about being a mom. Now here I am at 45 wondering who I am. What do I love to do? Where do I see myself in 5 years? In 10? How do I want to define myself? What do I want others to say about me besides, "she was a mom." I want to write, that I know !!! My goal is to write a book. I'm hoping that this blog is some sort of stepping stone towards that. I love writing, I always have. When I was in college I remember my English professor telling me that I should be a writer but I thought there was no money in it so I went into nursing instead. Now; as a mom, I advise my kids to follow their passions. Money isn't what's going to make you happy......truth! I also enjoy gardening and must admit that my yard looks pretty damn good ! I have let it go a little the last several weeks because of the situation with my son and all the time spent babysitting but I find gardening therapeutic. I could sit out there for hours pulling weeds and trimming my rose bushes. Fashion is another passion of mine. I love clothes and shoes but I love to do it my way !!! I don't follow any set trend. I like to be different, to be funky, to be comfortable, to be me !!!
It feels so amazing to even be able to think about these things. See; before I committed to this 90 day challenge, I only could see myself as a victim of all the things that happened to me. I was the little girl who's daddy left her. I was the little girl ho's mommy beat her. I was the little girl who was molested. I was the young woman who was brutally raped. I was the young woman with mental issues. I was a single mother. I was alone. I was.....I was.... I was..... Now I can see all the possibilities! I am a good mother, a great friend, a caring and loving person, a funny and crazy girl, an aspiring writer, an awesome gardener, a lover of fashion and soooooo much more. I just want to hug my life coach for this gift she has given me !!!
I hate to stop here but as usual I need to run and get my work done before my grandson gets here. Time goes so fast. More later. Peace and Love
Yesterday turned into a bit of a crazy day. It started out pretty good. I got quite a bit accomplished and my three kids; who still live at home, were helping me, but then they all left for activities and my grandson got here and it just got hectic. We had my daughter's softball game last night and he couldn't decide whether to enjoy being outside or if he wanted to be grumpy and then after the game all hell kind of broke loose. My daughter in law wasn't feeling well at all and I had to go pick her up from work, we were trying to get the baby bathed and ready for bed and her dumb friends just show up and don't get the picture that family is there and they should leave. Young people are not always real smart. Anyways, it just frustrated my fiancé and I but we left and figured she is an adult and we can't always tell her what to do. We have to let her make her own decisions and mistakes just like the rest of our kids. It sucks but we get tired of repeating ourselves or frustrating ourselves.
So, todays a new day but I just feel all kinds of "eh." As my life coach taught me, I am trying to direct my thoughts to positive things. I'm getting a gym membership and I am so excited about it, so that makes me happy. I can get into better shape for my age and lose a little more weight before I pick out my wedding dress!!! I want to be a sexy bride!!! When I was drinking and doing drugs I had gained tons of weight. I think I was up to around 178 or so and I'm only five foot four and a half. I finally lost all that and got back to 135. I'd like to lose just a little more for my dress! I can't wait to start working out at the gym and having that "me" time !!!
Now that three of my children are adults and living outside the home and two are in high school, that leaves me with Abby my ten year old. She will be heading back to school in the fall however and I will be alone all day. It's time for me to figure out who I am now. For the last 26 years, I have defined myself as a mother and really nothing else. Even when I was working, it was always about being a mom. Now here I am at 45 wondering who I am. What do I love to do? Where do I see myself in 5 years? In 10? How do I want to define myself? What do I want others to say about me besides, "she was a mom." I want to write, that I know !!! My goal is to write a book. I'm hoping that this blog is some sort of stepping stone towards that. I love writing, I always have. When I was in college I remember my English professor telling me that I should be a writer but I thought there was no money in it so I went into nursing instead. Now; as a mom, I advise my kids to follow their passions. Money isn't what's going to make you happy......truth! I also enjoy gardening and must admit that my yard looks pretty damn good ! I have let it go a little the last several weeks because of the situation with my son and all the time spent babysitting but I find gardening therapeutic. I could sit out there for hours pulling weeds and trimming my rose bushes. Fashion is another passion of mine. I love clothes and shoes but I love to do it my way !!! I don't follow any set trend. I like to be different, to be funky, to be comfortable, to be me !!!
It feels so amazing to even be able to think about these things. See; before I committed to this 90 day challenge, I only could see myself as a victim of all the things that happened to me. I was the little girl who's daddy left her. I was the little girl ho's mommy beat her. I was the little girl who was molested. I was the young woman who was brutally raped. I was the young woman with mental issues. I was a single mother. I was alone. I was.....I was.... I was..... Now I can see all the possibilities! I am a good mother, a great friend, a caring and loving person, a funny and crazy girl, an aspiring writer, an awesome gardener, a lover of fashion and soooooo much more. I just want to hug my life coach for this gift she has given me !!!
I hate to stop here but as usual I need to run and get my work done before my grandson gets here. Time goes so fast. More later. Peace and Love
Monday, July 21, 2014
Monday morning and I feel like Sybill
Good morning friends. So here it is Monday morning and I feel like two different people. That's always fun, right? One minute I am all smiles thinking about all the good stuff in my life and the great day and night I had yesterday as well as how amazing this 90 day challenge is going but the next minute I feel scared and unhappy about some of the things in my life. What's a girl to do? If only it was socially/professionally acceptable to have your therapist/life coach's home number on speed dial !!! She might however find herself wanting to run away some days....LOL. I guess maybe the way I'm feeling may just be normal.
My life isn't ideal right now. It certainly isn't what I envisioned when I started day one of my 90 day challenge. So much changed so fast and some things that were there took on new meaning in my life.
My life was so out of control before I took on this challenge. It was a two year train wreck really. I was drinking every day for a while. I could go through a 12 pack in a day sometimes. I would just watch the clock and wait for it to be time to pick up my kids so that I would be done driving and in for the rest of the day and then I could start drinking. I had so many blackouts it wasn't even funny. To make matters worse, I was mixing alcohol with pills which was a complete recipe for disaster. That led my ass to the hospital on more than one occasion. When that wasn't killing the pain quite enough, I started smoking pot in large quantities on top of the alcohol and pills. On those nights, I remember nothing. How I didn't kill myself is beyond me. I went on like that for over a year. I quit using on November 11, 2013 Eight months ago !!!! I am so proud of my sobriety. It's like putting on those new glasses for the first time and being able to see everything so clear, it's beautiful. My kids were over the moon when I stopped drinking and could remember everything they did and told me and actually be present to them on a daily basis.
Never say never but I don't think I will ever pick up a drink after what I went through and after what I put those that I love through. It's not worth it to me. I have to laugh. For Father's Day I got my fiancé these amazing tickets to the Indians game and we went together one night. Well, we walk in and we are looking for our section and I said to him, "This is a hell of a place for a recovering alcoholic to come!" He giggled and told me I was strong and he wasn't even worried. I didn't even think of having a drink, I was simply amused.
I can say now; 82 days into this challenge, that there is no way in hell I could have even attempted to do this had I not gotten sober. Even being sober I had a hard time embracing the challenge and I will explain why another time. I must rush off and take care of some things before I have to once again babysit my grandson. Peace and Love
My life isn't ideal right now. It certainly isn't what I envisioned when I started day one of my 90 day challenge. So much changed so fast and some things that were there took on new meaning in my life.
My life was so out of control before I took on this challenge. It was a two year train wreck really. I was drinking every day for a while. I could go through a 12 pack in a day sometimes. I would just watch the clock and wait for it to be time to pick up my kids so that I would be done driving and in for the rest of the day and then I could start drinking. I had so many blackouts it wasn't even funny. To make matters worse, I was mixing alcohol with pills which was a complete recipe for disaster. That led my ass to the hospital on more than one occasion. When that wasn't killing the pain quite enough, I started smoking pot in large quantities on top of the alcohol and pills. On those nights, I remember nothing. How I didn't kill myself is beyond me. I went on like that for over a year. I quit using on November 11, 2013 Eight months ago !!!! I am so proud of my sobriety. It's like putting on those new glasses for the first time and being able to see everything so clear, it's beautiful. My kids were over the moon when I stopped drinking and could remember everything they did and told me and actually be present to them on a daily basis.
Never say never but I don't think I will ever pick up a drink after what I went through and after what I put those that I love through. It's not worth it to me. I have to laugh. For Father's Day I got my fiancé these amazing tickets to the Indians game and we went together one night. Well, we walk in and we are looking for our section and I said to him, "This is a hell of a place for a recovering alcoholic to come!" He giggled and told me I was strong and he wasn't even worried. I didn't even think of having a drink, I was simply amused.
I can say now; 82 days into this challenge, that there is no way in hell I could have even attempted to do this had I not gotten sober. Even being sober I had a hard time embracing the challenge and I will explain why another time. I must rush off and take care of some things before I have to once again babysit my grandson. Peace and Love
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Sunday Funday! My day Off !
So, today is my day off, I don't have to babysit my grandson. I was able to sleep in which felt wonderful and then get up and read the paper and have coffee while trying to plot out my day. My 17 year old daughter has work today and my 14 year old son will be leaving for a birthday party/scavenger hunt. That will leave my ten year old daughter home with me and my sweetie.
She can prove to be a real challenge. With her diagnosis of Mitochondrial disease, we kind of let her become both a brat and too attached to us. When she was born she was very sick and I went through a lot with her. As I said before, dad couldn't really handle it so I was the one to walk the journey with her. It took two grueling years to get to her diagnosis. Those two years consisted of constant hospitalizations, multiple surgeries, feeding tubes and scares of losing her. One scare in particular was one of the worst days of my life as I stood there alone and they told me they didn't know if she would make it......and then rushed her into emergency surgery.
She had to have a muscle biopsy to receive her diagnosis and that left two 2 inch scars on each thigh. She was only two years old when it was done and it was so painful that she couldn't move. She just laid on the couch for over two weeks while I fed her and gently changed her diaper. The day I was given her diagnosis I was; as usual, alone. It was devastating as the doctor explained that there was no cure and at the time very little research. It was explained to me that she would be globally delayed, which she was and then she would level off but never at the same platitude as other children and then she would lose all her skills. I was told that there was no way to give me any time table because of the lack of research. In the beginning Abby went to physical, occupational and speech therapies for quite awhile. She was non verbal for two years and didn't even cry. We taught her sign language! Eventually over time she learned to walk and talk and feed and dress herself. Now at ten years old, she appears normal to most outsiders. She still can't do many things that most children can.
She suffers from chronic migraines, muscle weakness and pain, chronic fatigue, heat and cold intolerance, GI distress, high blood pressure, allergies, weakened immune system, respiratory issues, heart issues and she is very small for her age. She's smart though. It has not impaired her cognitive abilities yet. With the knowledge in the back of my mind that I would out live her, I have celebrated every birthday on a grand scale and as if it were her last and I have spoiled the hell out of her, therefore creating a cute little monster!!! Now I am having to undo what I have created, explaining to her that having this disease does not excuse her from being a pain in the butt!! She's getting a little better. I have always been honest with her about her disease and she can explain it fairly well to others. She understands now that if she does things like goes to a peers house for a play date, she will pay for it later with fatigue and body pain. The only thing that I have not come out and said to her is that it will probably kill her before we go.
She was granted a Make A Wish a few years back and the family was able to go to Disney. She loved it and got to meet every princess which was her goal !!! She is a special little girl. I believe that because of what she has endured in her short ten years, she is a much more compassionate kid than most ten year olds. She is having a hard time right now with her brother being in jail and with my limited time for her because of having my grandson 40 hours a week but I am working on doing special things with her and for her. I have also put her in therapy and she really likes her therapist which is great. I just felt that she really needed that outlet......like I do !!! Well, I better go play Easy Bake Oven with her. Peace and Love
She can prove to be a real challenge. With her diagnosis of Mitochondrial disease, we kind of let her become both a brat and too attached to us. When she was born she was very sick and I went through a lot with her. As I said before, dad couldn't really handle it so I was the one to walk the journey with her. It took two grueling years to get to her diagnosis. Those two years consisted of constant hospitalizations, multiple surgeries, feeding tubes and scares of losing her. One scare in particular was one of the worst days of my life as I stood there alone and they told me they didn't know if she would make it......and then rushed her into emergency surgery.
She had to have a muscle biopsy to receive her diagnosis and that left two 2 inch scars on each thigh. She was only two years old when it was done and it was so painful that she couldn't move. She just laid on the couch for over two weeks while I fed her and gently changed her diaper. The day I was given her diagnosis I was; as usual, alone. It was devastating as the doctor explained that there was no cure and at the time very little research. It was explained to me that she would be globally delayed, which she was and then she would level off but never at the same platitude as other children and then she would lose all her skills. I was told that there was no way to give me any time table because of the lack of research. In the beginning Abby went to physical, occupational and speech therapies for quite awhile. She was non verbal for two years and didn't even cry. We taught her sign language! Eventually over time she learned to walk and talk and feed and dress herself. Now at ten years old, she appears normal to most outsiders. She still can't do many things that most children can.
She suffers from chronic migraines, muscle weakness and pain, chronic fatigue, heat and cold intolerance, GI distress, high blood pressure, allergies, weakened immune system, respiratory issues, heart issues and she is very small for her age. She's smart though. It has not impaired her cognitive abilities yet. With the knowledge in the back of my mind that I would out live her, I have celebrated every birthday on a grand scale and as if it were her last and I have spoiled the hell out of her, therefore creating a cute little monster!!! Now I am having to undo what I have created, explaining to her that having this disease does not excuse her from being a pain in the butt!! She's getting a little better. I have always been honest with her about her disease and she can explain it fairly well to others. She understands now that if she does things like goes to a peers house for a play date, she will pay for it later with fatigue and body pain. The only thing that I have not come out and said to her is that it will probably kill her before we go.
She was granted a Make A Wish a few years back and the family was able to go to Disney. She loved it and got to meet every princess which was her goal !!! She is a special little girl. I believe that because of what she has endured in her short ten years, she is a much more compassionate kid than most ten year olds. She is having a hard time right now with her brother being in jail and with my limited time for her because of having my grandson 40 hours a week but I am working on doing special things with her and for her. I have also put her in therapy and she really likes her therapist which is great. I just felt that she really needed that outlet......like I do !!! Well, I better go play Easy Bake Oven with her. Peace and Love
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