Those 90 days were the beginning of my life!

 

So as time goes on and so do my therapy/coaching sessions, I realize that those 90 days were the beginning of my life! What she has done for me has been an irreplaceable gift!!! I love going to the gym 6 days a week and getting in to shape and losing weight and looking good and having that time to myself. I love going shopping and buying new clothes to fit my new body and putting great outfits together! I love that I am starting to go out again with friends and get back to living a normal life. I was so broken for so long and now I'm healing and it's wonderful. I'm happy again with who I am. I'm feeling comfortable in my own skin and for me, that is a big deal !!! For so long, I hated who I was and everything about me but now I don't feel that way. I don't think I love myself yet but I really like myself a lot and that's a great start. I just have to keep working on it and it will happen. Patience grasshopper! Something I need quite a bit more of for sure.

Unfortunately, I have received some bad news over the past few days. My younger daughter; with the Mitochondrial disease appears to be developing POTS syndrome and Dysautonomia like her one older sister and we have started testing and new medications. It has already proven to be very difficult. She broke down in the doctors office and again during one of her more extensive tests. This is very difficult for her as she sees what her older sister is going through in terms of quality of life and I think that scares her. Luckily she is already seeing a therapist for chronic illness and I have bumped her up to weekly instead of bi-weekly. She is going to need a lot of support to get through this. I feel so helpless when it comes to both of my girls and so guilty because I feel like by having them I gave it to them. I know for a fact that my younger daughter's Mitochondrial disease is inherited maternally. I haven't done enough research on the other two diseases yet. I will be doing a lot of that in the coming months!!! My poor sweet girls, it just breaks my heart for the both of them. I wish I could take it away for them. I am grateful though that they are here and they are my daughters because they are beautiful inside and out and I am so lucky to be their mother! What a great blessing I have been given !!!

Despite this news, I remain happy because of the work I did during the 90 day challenge and the work that I continue to do each and every day! It's an ongoing process and I have to work every day at where I put my focus and my energy. I have to work at staying in the positive and staying away from the negative. I have to also be careful with who I surround myself with. I can not have negative people or unsupportive people in my life anymore. I have goals and dreams that I plan on making come true and I need nothing but support to get there! I don't want to be held back. I have so much life to live yet and I want to live it to the fullest! I will be successful because I can only fail if I don't try !!! I see my therapist/life coach tomorrow and I can't wait. I always come away feeling stronger and with great things to think about! I have some tough things to talk about tomorrow but I know that with her I can do it and be okay!