So, on Thursday I made the decision and verbalized that I would no longer watch my grandson. I have been doing it for a bit over two months 40 hours a week while my son is sitting in jail and his girlfriend is working and it has completely disrupted my family's life. I have little time for my own children; to listen to them, talk with them, take them places, etc.... My fiancé comes home from work and after dinner around 7 takes him to his own house to bathe him and put him to bed until his mother gets home so we don't get to spend our evenings together. It has just been too much. We feel like a family divided half the time. We never have time to talk to each other and our whole lives were just revolving around the baby. After making this announcement, I took my two ill daughters and left Friday for the weekend for a relaxing getaway to regroup. My son stayed back to hang with his dad and my other daughter went camping with a group of friends.
My fiancé who has the patience of a saint has worked with my son's girlfriend in getting her to find inexpensive childcare and help point her in the direction of independence. I feel some what guilty because I love my grandson but I have a life of my own and three minor children I'm still trying to raise. My son is to blame for the mess they are in.......not me!!! Let's be clear about that. My whole summer was essentially a mess, projects never got done, weekend getaways never happened, my gardening went to hell. I never got to visit my adult children where they live. We spent every day babysitting and our one or two days off going to the doctors, grocery shopping, banking, and running other errands as well as housekeeping and laundry.
I finally feel like I have my life back. I got away for the weekend with the girls. Now I can focus on the beginning of the school year! I can focus on and take care of my ill girls. My 10 year old has been getting sicker and at her most recent appointment, we were told that she needs further testing because she may have another disease that her older sister has..........she burst into tears. It was hard to hear. My older daughter is now walking with a cane, needing a shower chair and has gotten a service dog. These are the things that I need to focus on. I love my grandson and don't mind helping out once in awhile but I can't raise him because of a choice my son made. I need to let go of that guilt and move on.
They are adults and have to live with the choices they have made and learn from their mistakes. I have a family to raise that includes three minor children and two ill daughters. That has to be my priority. I also owe it to myself and all the hard work that I put into my 90 day challenge and my life coach sessions to keep myself on track and make my mental health and sobriety a priority! I've already started working on my physical health, waking before the kids and hitting the gym 6 times a week for 2-3 hours a morning! I feel great. I've lost 2 sizes and feel like I have so much more energy!! I get a lot more done when I come home from the gym, it's great.
I'm super excited to now start all those projects that I have had to put off. I love interior decorating and I'm very excited to get started. Once my projects are done, I'm debating between going back to school or looking into some kind of work! I feel ready to fly!!! I feel like a butterfly ready to spread my wings!
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